Tuesday, December 29, 2009

On liquids for a few days...seems my stomach is swollen as it is very painfull for anything to go through the band kind of like stuck on crack! Not sure what has caused it but, hopefully just liquids will fix it... Doc says it's not a slipped band, I just irritated it. Good part is this will give me a little weight loss boost...I really don't want to start having problems, so I hope this fixes it's self.

Saturday, December 26, 2009


I am so excited for the new year. I know a ton of changes are coming for me and my family. We have made it through the learning curve from surgery, right into the holidays which what a definite learning experience. It is amazing when I look back at what used to be consumed and what is now consumed. I still was bad in a sense when you look at the band rules, but I was golden if you compare it to pre band consumption.

Compared to my last post I am feeling much more optimistic. I realize now I will always have ups and downs, but adding the holiday pressure onto the ups and downs magnified the situation. But it is over and all is good. I didn't gain any weight over the last couple days, didn't lose any either. So I guess that is all good.

The sucky part is I got my last fill the Monday before Thanksgiving and I was 317 that day... I went all the way down to 309 in about the 10 days that followed and from there I am back up to basically a month from my last fill has gotten me down 4 pounds. BUT there has been a lot of holiday festivities in between my fill and today. So with that being said I am very happy. I know in my heart and soul I will hit my 299 mark in the next two weeks. Back to basics, back to working out, my monthly friend will be gone in a few days, other then new years eve the alcohol will be WAY down, because it has been WAY up... I have not been drinking ANY water what so ever so with all these factors it will be a pretty easy task... and I will get a fill right after new years.

So 2010 will be a good year for weight loss, I have some great things coming up in January career wise so there will be promotions and salary increases coming my way. My banded son will be finishing up his schooling and my husband will be half way done with his degree this year... My two little ones are happy and great kids and just keep in trucking along with the rest of the family...Plus we will be buying a house this year... I haven't owned one in about 4 years now and I HATE renting so very excited about that.

Hope good times, good days, good health, good bank accounts and great numbers on the scale come to all of you and to all of yours in the new year!

Monday, December 21, 2009


Depressed. Feeling fat(that always sounds so stupid, I am fat, I'm 310 pounds when did I feel skinny) I hate my band. I hate everything. Work sucks. Probably going to get my period so that is why I am eating chocolate and salt. I actually ate triscuts with nutella on them yesterday. Who the hell eats that! I've never had that in my life. Scale is going up... Everything I eat gets stuck. I feel like I am binging and purging literally. So tired of every meal hurting to some degree. I just want to not worry about food anymore. I guess i can stick to Greek yogurt. That is my favorite part of the day, the morning when I get my yogurt. It doesn't hurt, it fills me up for a few hours. I wonder if I could live off of it.

Anyway, I can't find a bright spot in my day. But I know this will pass. And if one more person brings See's candy into our office I am going to knife them. It doesn't even taste that good and I keep eating a couple of pieces a day. Just want the holidays to be over so i can get back to business.

I had someone email me the other day and ask for details on my surgery and would I do it again. It's funny, for the first few months I said with out a doubt, but as time goes on I would have to really make sure the person knew what they were getting into. Anyone that thinks this is easy can kiss my ass. This is way harder then just diet and exercise. The unknown everyday is getting old. You never know what to expect.

I wish sometimes you could turn it off. Just for a few minutes in those situations that you don't have a lot of options of what to eat. I took the kids to McDonald's yesterday to play. I sat there a looked at the menu because I had not eaten yet and it was two in the afternoon. I go there so they can play in the play area and I can sit and read with out someone taking them. So I ordered a snack wrap thing (that was the shits) and an ice coffee... Of coarse one bit and stuck. Give me a fricken break. That gets old. so that is why I am saying I wish some days you could turn it off.

Then I ponder lately about the future... Do I really have to have this devise in my body for the rest of my life. 10, 20 30 years from now... did we really think about what the rest of our lives meant when it came to the band... I can't see not having it, once the restriction is gone you can eat and the little by little the ounces come back and then before you know it its a pound. But whatever, it is what it is for now. A bridge I will cross when the time comes.

One last thing I have to vent about that really made me mad was a post I read on lapbandtalk...I won't mention names, but you would all know her if I did. She is one of the all stars on the web site. Anyway this person posted that she is getting a divorce and has now realized she just settled for the person she is with because she was fat. And now realizes he isn't attractive and isn't someone she would be with at her skinnier self. WOW, did she really post that! I understand falling out of love and maybe discovering new things about yourself, but to use the words she did and to put down the person she married is such a way just sickened me. I wish her the best, but karma is a bitch!

Oh and again one last thing... is the lap band easier when you only have to deal with yourself. When you don't have to take care of a bunch of people. I hate having to worry about what to cook everyone when I would be happy with a slice of turkey and a cucumber. But I have to be responsible for two other banded people in the house and two little kids... Again another excuse but it still seems like it would be easier to get to focus on yourself. I would love to go away for one year, me and my band on an island of fresh wholesome food, personal trainers and my dr to give me fills. Now that sounds wonderful...

I think I need a vacation!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

OMG... i had my surgery six months ago tomorrow. To date I have not tried on any other clothes then what I have. I am down just about 50... Was hoping for 10 pounds a month but that is ok, the Holidays are not helping me out whatsoever right now. But I am on a livet not a diet.

Anyway, I went in Steinmart tonight to by a gift for a friend. She loves the store and I have never been in it... I ventured over to the women's section to see how high the sizes went. They only went to a 24 so I laughed and said I am still stuck in the large size women's store... I looked at a jacket on the wall and thought it was cute so I picked up the 3x to see what it looked like and IT FIT OVER MY CLOTHES... Now I really don't know how clothes should fit since I have been buying tent size clothes for the last 20 years thinking that covering up my body must look better so I am very used to things just hanging on me. I got excited and so did my little ones that were with me. This made me go back to the pants and try the 24...

I went in the changing room AND THEY FIT! I am still wearing my size 30 pants that are absolutely hanging on me to the point of embarrassment now and these actually fit very comfortably. I know they are still in the women's section but for me that has been buying 28 to 30s and 4x to 5x shirts, I wanted to cry. I could not believe it.

I was so afraid to try on clothes because the was going go be my proof that I have not changed and I didn't want to go there. It doesn't matter that my current clothes are actually falling off of me but I keep wearing them out of security. Still have not figured this out but hopefully I will see myself a little differently...

I can tell you that this gave me huge inspiration. I have been holding at 312 for a couple of weeks and it it driving me crazy. I got down to 309 on Turkey day (my fill was the monday before turkey day and I weighed 317 at that) and I knew it would go up a little once I started eating regular food after my three days of liquid but I can not move from 312 right now. But seeing how close I am to size 18 makes me so excited. I never thought i would be so happy to be in an 18. Of coarse I want to be lower but for me that is just a beautiful size in my mind.

So anyway a 24 means to me that I can shop at the women's section of many more stores then just the large size only shops. I love you dearly, large size ladies store, because you are who I have been for so many years and you were always there for me... But I have to move on now my friend! Thank you for being my source of comfort with clothes. But I have a new friend now and she is WAY LESS EXPENSIVE!


Have a great Friday!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Once Upon A Time in the Land of Cheese and Sunkist

Not sure how many of you read the blog above done by Amy W. but it is very good and you should... She recently did a VLOG about a person that offered her unwelcome opinion about WLS... I have to agree that it fired me up. But then I read some of the comments and the one that I am about to share in particular just literaly made me sick to my stomach... Let me know how it makes you feel:


Look, I have nothing against fat people. What they do is their own business, but I don’t want to see them kissing, much less under the Eiffel Tower. Why do they have to go rubbing their lifestyle in my face? How do I explain that to my kids?

(Seriously, I’m getting all those vommitty side effects just reading about the ad.) Reply
Edited by LaComtesse at 09/30/09 5:18 PM
The Chainsmoking Countess
Bitching About the Peasants... In Style. (this is the name of her blog)

So now being over weight to this person is a "life style" that she has to explain to her children... WTF are you kidding me. And she does not want to see overweight people kiss... I can't even get myself under control... This is such an in your face comment by this bitch and all I want for Christmas is her address so I can shove my life style up her ass... People have such nerve... I also clicked on her picture to see where it would go and she has some pom pas ass blog that seems to regularly put down other people...

Is this really what people think about overweight people... That we are a life style chose... Am I being over sensitive about this or does it just chap your ass also?