Well I guess I didn't stick with it AGAIN since it looks like the last time I was here was in August 2011... I came back out of desperation. To read others post that had the surgery a couple of years ago and to see where they were at. I notice that one of the posters that had surgery the same day I did by the same doctor has also not been around for awhile and also seems to be having the same issues... My 10 cc band was filled up to 9 for the last year and half. I will be honest and admit I was starving myself. I got down to 209 and was so excited to see wonderland real soon. My husband and I were planning a trip to Vegas in April and I finally gave into the fact that I really needed to have an unfil. I was down a lot of weight but didn't really feel all that well... My day consisted of basically kicking out (the nice way of saying throwing up) everything I ate. I loved on coffee and wine or beer. I was throwing up in my sleep anything that was in my cute little pouch. I gave in. So I went to a lady and had 7 cc taken out of my band and left it 2 in. WOW what a difference. To be able to chug water was amazing. But the bad part. I discovered food again. I could eat ANYTHING with not one bit of restriction... I thought ok, I will control myself and enjoy my vacation and get a fill when I get back. Well people in 15 days I gained 30 pounds. Literally 2 pounds per day... Now let me tell you I was on vacation with A LOT of people. I watched what they ate and I ate the same thing. I can guarantee you, that none of them gained 30 pounds in 15 days. So now its about a month later. I am getting my fill back in about 10 days. I am going to have it go back up to an 8. I decided starving is way better then gaining this weight. I feel like a total failure AGAIN... I was 29 pounds away from goal. Now I am back to 241. I have to lose 32 pounds again just to get back to 209 and then finish. But I am scared. Finish? Will I ever be able to FINISH? Do I have to starve myself for the rest of my life. It seems everything that went into my mouth stuck to my body. I will also shamefully admit... I miss the control of kicking out everything I eat. Does that make me bulimic? Whatever it means at this point I don't really care. I want my restriction back. I want to live off of coffee and wine. I want to enjoy my handful of peanuts and be thinner and finally thin. I will deal with the rest of it later.

Monday August 19th

TODAY IS ONE OF THOSE DAYS I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO BOOT CAMP... Uggg. But I will go. I HAVE TO GO. Why is it so easy to talk yourself out of going. It should be easy to talk yourself into going. Focus on all the benefits. Focus on how good I feel about myself when I finish another class. I can honestly say, a huge part of it is the heat. I didn't have such a hard time in May and June, but July and even more so August are so hard. I can't explain to you how hot it is in the gym... Maybe the picture below can help you understand by what I look like when I finish a class



And that was taken in June when it wasn't as hot so you know it's worse!

Well off to finish a little more work stuff and then start getting ready... Hope your day was good!

Blog at cha later ;)

August 27

Made it to boot camp yesterday.. It was a doozy and I pushed myself extra hard because today I am going to the Beat the Heat Winter Beer Festival in Scottsdale. Not a great thing for a bandster to do but a girls gotta live! The best part (since it been about 115 all week) is it's indoors and they are planning on bringing in extra coolers to keep the temp at 70 degrees! I think I am looking forward to that more then anything :)

My favorite thing about losing weight is I get more excited to go out. I think because I enjoy clothes more then I used to. I love to try to look pretty. Another reason I want to get these last 50 pounds off. I want to become a clothes whore, for lack of a better word... I want to sparkle!

Well I am off to get ready and have a little fun today with out the kids and just my man...

Cheers to lost pounds that are never found again.

Blog at cha later!

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August 24 It's Hot

Made it to boot camp today. Working out in AZ right now is a little difficult. It was a brisk 116 today and when your work out gym only uses a swamp cooler it was about 88 degrees in the room. Just a whole lot of sweating going on.

I asked the coach what the average calorie burn is for our boot camp and they estimate it to be around 1000 calories.. Give or take due to ability and body size. So no matter what, this is a tough workout. My son just started going with me and he now realizes what I was talking about when I say it's the hardest thing I have ever done. He now knows his old mom is a little tougher then he thought!

I started using the app myfitnesspal.com and I really like it. It is amazing how many calories we eat even when your banded. My delish salad as I call it has way over a 1000 calories with all the crap I was putting on it. I thought I was being healthy. Now that was just my salad that I eat EVERYDAY. That does not count the soda or vitamin water I was downing with it or any crackers or cookie I might of had with it. So add in whatever I ate for dinner now I see why my progress has been slow. So this handy little tools is going to help me out a lot. My suggested calories for the day is 1270 to be on track to lose 2 pounds a week. We will see how that all works out. If you are on myfitnesspal.com, send me a friend request. I would love to have more friends to support. My name on there is barronsaz65. I did fine for my first day of calories. It will make me eat correctly which is what I need.

Since the day of my surgery I have never counted calories or weighed/measured anything. I just ate what I could. I drink at all my meals. I drink soda and beer. My way has worked obviously I have lost 110 pounds since surgery (I lost 31 before surgery from my highest weight)but it has taken two years to get this far. And I did absolutely no exercise. I am convinced it would have went a lot faster but I didn't want to stop living. But I am now at that point of wanting to be done with this. So I am ready to do it the right way. I do have to say, losing weight makes you even more motivated to lose weight. Crazy how that works.

Cheers to pounds lost and never found again!

Blog at cha later ;)

Back Again

Long time no blog! I put up a new picture. Lots has changed since the last post AGAIN. Not sure why I can't see to be consistent with this thing. I am down to 241 Which is 141 pounds gone since January 2009, my highest weight ever. My surgery day weight in June 2009 was 355 so I have lost 114 pounds in two years and two months. Could have been faster but I chose to live also keep living. Still drink alcohol and soda, still put to much on my plate, I get stuck everyday and what my family likes to call it "kick it out" all the time. But its the way I live. My goal is to be down to 190 by Christmas...Big goal but I am done with the process. I want to get my band loosened and maybe be able to eat properly with out having to "kick it out" every time I eat. I have developed social anxiety when it comes to eating. I DO NOT like to eat in public or around people that do not know what I have done. Just the thought of it makes me tighten up which makes it worse. So when out in public I pretend and just have a glass of wine or whatever. I started cardio kick boxing boot camp in may and I love it. Its the hardest thing I have ever done and it amazes me what I can do now compared to 141 pounds ago.

My diabetes that was discovered pre surgery is non existent which is a good thing. I went on a the water slides this summer. Something I have not done in 25 years. That was fun. I love to shop for clothes. Still in a size 20 pant, but down from a size 32 two years ago so that is huge for me. Looking forward to even hitting the size 18. I get the attention again I did in my early twenties. This is a little different. Definitely makes you think about your marriage. But that is another blog topic.

My hair has never recovered still very thin on top, not liking that. But if I keep it bleached, it seems to help hid it. Two years out so I don't think it's going to come back thicker at this point. I am sure it's hormonal also. Who knows.

One thing this whole process needs more of is some sort of bariatric psychology. The issues of why we are over weight never go away. The Doc's need to get peoples head straight just as much as they work on finding the perfect fill spot. Again, another reason it terrifies me to get my band loosened.

I can tell you I hate eating. It's a chore. It's annoying. It's a burden and most of the time it is somewhat painful. Nothing bad, or maybe I am just used to it. The funny part of that it may passion for cooking is so overwhelming. It is all I want to do so my new goal is to go to culinary school and open my own small gourmet shop....Just a wine and craft beer joint that serves "bite" style plates to share. I picture the office girls stopping by for a happy hour after work to unwind, or maybe a first stop on a first day...Something cozy and welcoming and rustic. We will see.

If you have read my blog... you will know that my son and my husband also were banded. My son a week before me and my husband who did it on the same day. I can report to you that my son has also lost about 120 and wants to lose about 40 more. Sadly, this process has not worked so well for my husband. He is down about 60 and does not try very hard. He did get his band loosened over a year ago because of a trip we were taking to Vegas for an event and wanted to be able to drink beer without it being a problem. You can see where his priorities are. Never went back for to refill and should. But that is his issue not mine. I can't be responsible for everything in our house. I offer good food choices and that is all I can do.

My son is loving life. He is in love with a wonderful girl... She is going to college in Washington State so it is long distance since we are in AZ, but they are perfect for each other. She spent the summer with us and that was interesting. Again another blog! I had a hard time with my decision two years ago when he was 19 for him to do this surgery but now I am so happy he did... At 390 pounds he would have been well into the 400's by now and it would not have been a good thing. Again, the head has to get right for the weight to come off.

So that is my update. I plan to update regularly now since I hope that will help me hit my goal by Christmas. My workout days are Monday Wednesday and Friday. So hopefully posting that will also make me stick to going three days a week...

Blog to you soon!

WOW...

Where did the time go... It has been over nine months since I posted or read any blogs. Not sure what happened. I have to think about that... I see so many changes on the people that I have followed and it's amazing. I will have to check back in more often... Once I get over the anxiety of returning to my blog I will post some updates on the whole band family...